What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 08:02
Especially a lifetime of it.
My life is so biszare .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
What do porn stars do when they get old?
Was to survive, this bastard.
He knew the spot.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
How can you maintain self-control?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
What have you learned from your parents' mistakes?
This is soul school!.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Ive learnt so much.
What do you think hell is like?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
What are some things that children used to wait for, but are no longer common in today's society?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But, we were locked up after school.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Has a psychic ever made a crazy prediction that turned out to be true?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
What topics are okay with you in comics and what topics should be totally off the table?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My family never makes their pension either.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
So, i spoilt her more .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
How can we understand the mind of a Trump supporter?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Why do many Hong Kong Chinese look different from the Han Chinese in mainland China?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I waited trembling.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Why did i forgive my father ?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
What type of sex do women prefer, oral, anal, or vaginal?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But ive been too sick for many years..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I don,t even have a pension.
I have no regrets .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Who then, do I blame.?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I think the readers, may guess!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I will be 64.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
As i do to all so called friends.?
She married twice! .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She loved him until the end.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was scared of men, in general
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
It was going to be , some day.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I said to her
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Would this be the day?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
All the time i was locked up.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And i lived it daily.
She was in good health!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
When she asked me how she looked .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She found it foreign!.
Comes on , in middle age.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was seconnd youngest,
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
What did i know ?
One cannot live in the past .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I write beautiful poetry .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
We were not on the streets..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was very sick at this time too.
Im still living with it.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We all went to grammer schools
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I couldn’t, believe it.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
So whats the point in blame.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He resisted the act ,that day.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She wouldn,t have been !
Put me off passion for life!!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But it wasn’t much.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I was 9 years of age.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .